Why is Chinese food better a day later ?

The other day I received a flyer in the mail from an establishment called " Hong Kong Cuisine"

boasting it's grand opening and are you ready for this " free delivery".

The one thing Redlands has been missing was Chinese food delivered to my home. I called the other night and within 30 minutes a man was at my back door with piping hot Chinese food.

I told the proprietors of the Hong Kong Cuisine I would take it upon myself to tell all of Redlands of there free delivery and wicked good Vegetable Egg Foo Young.

So for those of you who missed the grand opening of the dream Cafe owned by Babu Bhatt. Please don't miss this opportunity to keep the little guy going.

Here is an excerpt of my conversation with the owner:

Owner You're a very kind man. Very kind, thank you. Very kind..

You must be 18 or over

This Sunday will represent the 6 month mark since I broke my pelvis. There are 1,330,044,544 Chinese people who could care less so don’t worry your not alone.

I was instructed by my doctor not to get into any cycling situations that may lead to my ass hitting the pavement until that date.

In the last few weeks I have done the 909 sampler rides. Heading out to Rain cross, Tuesday night twice and this last Thursday night I went to Crit.

So here are my observations of the three rides

1. Sunset World championships: you can’t fake this ride if you have no cardio. You can peacock your way to serpentine. After that it’s just you and the sound of a trash truck beep beep beep.

2. Crit: you can’t fake this ride if you can’t hold a line into a turn. Sure I came around the front on the 2nd lap rode hard to San Bernardino Avenue. Then the real move came. I really felt as if I was a part of something for 4 and ½ minutes!

3. Rain cross: you can’t fake this ride if you have not been out for longer than 2 hours on a ride. I always say you can tell how your Saturday is going to go as we climb up honeycomb hill in Grand Terrace. On my first Saturday back I think I sharted myself on that climb out.

Anyhow, the 6 months is over and now I am free to get some Ink a piercing and ride like the wind ( Christopher cross ) version of the wind that is.

Kenny Don't Surf !

I was at the Redlands Bike Classic this weekend. I feel like its your civic duty to head downtown to watch the race . I have a bike that has a suggested retail value of $ 9,300 and I don't even know what " Crit" stands for ?

Since I am still on the 6 month DL (disabled list) for those of you with no knowledge of baseball. I spent my weekend with the rest of the " Shammy Sniffers" on the curb. Did I mention recently how much fun it is to be big leagued , Now I know what Midwest aluminum siding salesman feel like.

While I was watching the races I was thinking how fun it would have been to watch the Races with Kenny Powers. Kenny was once asked if he had ever competed in a Triathlon. to which he responded “I play real sports…not trying to be the best at exercising.”

I always though the classic was missing something. Betting. This year for the 35+ crits , i made available para mutual betting. Next year I am going to include a pick 6 which will include the cat 5 race.

The new Team Redlands kits were on display at the races. Note to Team members you may want to avoid riding by any of the schools or churches with the new french Rio cut down the groin. A special thanks to Borat for his input on the cut of the kit.

Welcome back baseball , GO SOX !

A home is not an ATM

I have been wanting to send a quick thank you note to all my fellow Americans who couldn't tell the difference between a Home and a ATM.

A - ROID'S MESSAGE MACHINE

"Top Ten Messages Left on Alex Rodriguez's Answering Machine."

10. "Hey, it's Mark McGwire. Want to get together this week and not talk about the past?"

9. "Joe Torre here -- thanks for helping book sales"

8. "Could you find a steroid that keeps you from choking in the playoffs?"

7. "Are you worried this will taint all the championships you didn't win?"

6. "It's Bernie Madoff. Nice try but I'm still the most hated man in New York"

5. "Michael Phelps here. Got any snacks?"

4. "This is Sammy Sosa. Just pretend you don't speak English"

3. "Michael Phelps again. Did I call you or did you call me?"

2. "Hey, it's Rod Blagojevich -- I'll say you're innocent, if you say I am"

1. "It's Madonna. You got a phone number for Jeter?"

My dad needs an Owl

My father called the other day and said he needed an Owl.

He like myself have never read a book so I knew he was not making a Harry Potter reference.

Then I thought maybe that was code for a women. Maybe in the 1930's they called chicks they met night Owls.

Well apparently an Owl will scare away birds from your house or in his case the 8 x 10 patio cell they give seniors at Del Boca Vista.

So after our weekly trip to Sizzler for Malibu Chicken we headed over to Home Depot.

Here he is with the Owl. If this doesn't work he says he wants a BB gun. I am reluctant to buy him the BB gun but you gotta let kids make there own mistakes.

Lots of things have Changed since last I rode

The world has Changed since the last time I rode my bike. I got out the other day for my first venture on the road and I was struck by the many things that have changed since last time I rode.

I spent lots of time in the gym during the last 90 days. In the past I would ask someone If I could work in with them on a machine. Now you just have to wait for them to finish sending a Text message. Sorry fatty that does not count as cross training.

I have lots of Insurance , I changed to State Farm. I have have auto , home , fire , earthquake , locus swarm , life and something called an umbrella. Oops I don't have Life they wouldn't take that risk, do you blame them?

I was attacked by a pack of wild bees. I remembered Dane Cook and I punched one of them in the face. Damn that felt good to punch a bee in the face.

Someone was yelling hey fattass from a 1988 Honda civic in Mentone. I couldn't figure out who he was yelling at. I looked around and couldn't see anyone else ?

I have a new Bike. I figured this will be the toughest of all my comebacks. So I will need a technologically advanced steed to find my way back to my place in the riding world. I have no place in the riding world, that will never change.

The value of my 401k and Home have changed . Thank God another 600 stimulus check is in the mail. that should pay for some pedals for my bike. Will they change the name from 401 k to something else. 401 k just sounds like something that would have a really big number in it...mine does not.

My State Tax Refund is going to be paid as an I OWE YOU. I remembered they did that in dumb and dumber with the money in the suitcase. I would file early if I were you.