A - ROID'S MESSAGE MACHINE

"Top Ten Messages Left on Alex Rodriguez's Answering Machine."

10. "Hey, it's Mark McGwire. Want to get together this week and not talk about the past?"

9. "Joe Torre here -- thanks for helping book sales"

8. "Could you find a steroid that keeps you from choking in the playoffs?"

7. "Are you worried this will taint all the championships you didn't win?"

6. "It's Bernie Madoff. Nice try but I'm still the most hated man in New York"

5. "Michael Phelps here. Got any snacks?"

4. "This is Sammy Sosa. Just pretend you don't speak English"

3. "Michael Phelps again. Did I call you or did you call me?"

2. "Hey, it's Rod Blagojevich -- I'll say you're innocent, if you say I am"

1. "It's Madonna. You got a phone number for Jeter?"

My dad needs an Owl

My father called the other day and said he needed an Owl.

He like myself have never read a book so I knew he was not making a Harry Potter reference.

Then I thought maybe that was code for a women. Maybe in the 1930's they called chicks they met night Owls.

Well apparently an Owl will scare away birds from your house or in his case the 8 x 10 patio cell they give seniors at Del Boca Vista.

So after our weekly trip to Sizzler for Malibu Chicken we headed over to Home Depot.

Here he is with the Owl. If this doesn't work he says he wants a BB gun. I am reluctant to buy him the BB gun but you gotta let kids make there own mistakes.